From Rejection to Resilience: Learning to Thrive on Feedback

I recently met with a mentee outside of my research group who asked me a question I hear often: how do you deal with rejection and negative feedback in science? It’s a great question, because learning to seek out and process critical feedback is essential for anyone who wants to succeed in this career. I still remember feedback from grant reviewers that really stung. Those moments shaped how I approach my work today. As a trainee, it’s especially hard: we’re often looking for validation that we’re on the right path and that we have what it takes for this career. Here is the perspective I shared with my mentee.

1) Separate the message from the delivery.
Feedback is a gift and not all gifts are beautifully wrapped (or wrapped at all- haha!). Try to understand the point of the feedback, even if it’s delivered in a way that triggers a strong emotional reaction. For example, one reviewer of my K99 application wrote that, based on my publication history, my career was “on a downward trajectory” because I hadn’t yet published a first-author paper from my postdoc lab. Ouch. That one stung and has stuck with me all these years.

But looking at it objectively, the reviewer was technically correct: if you plotted my publications, there was a downward trend from grad school to where I was at in postdoc. Sure, there was more to the story, but that message was loud and clear. I needed a paper to get a better score. The key is to extract what’s useful.

2) Give yourself time to feel the feels, then move on.
After a rejection, I usually allow myself a day to be sad and vent my worries (after all, I am only a mere mortal). But then, the next day, I shift into proactive mode: What did I learn? How can I improve for next time? Why was this one so important to me and why did rejection sting so much (sometimes we are seeking validation in the wrong places)? Setting boundaries around your emotions and not ruminating are critical to prevent derailing you.

3) De-sensitize yourself to critical feedback.
Consider this a type of exposure therapy. Seek opportunities where you receive critical feedback from trusted colleagues and you will become desensitized over time. By the time you encounter criticism from others (like reviewers) it will likely feel less personal and less painful because you have probably already heard it.

I’ve always valued blunt lab mates who tell me exactly what they think about my writing or challenge my interpretation of data. It shows that they took the time to think critically about my work. I fundamentally believe that this is what makes our research better and fun. I’ve also encountered lab mates who were rude, condescending and abrasive in how they delivered their critiques. Surprisingly, those experiences were invaluable too. They gave me practice staying calm and defending my point with data, which has been incredibly useful in my career.

4) Understand “the game”
For grant applications: Remember that grant reviewers are tasked with distinguishing very strong applications from each other and providing detailed feedback. This is more true now than ever. When I served as a reviewer for F32 grants, I was surprised at how positive the discussion actually was. Even the “negative” comments were usually just attempts to differentiate between applications. They were not personal, even though it can feel that way as a trainee.

It’s also important to recognize that a point listed in the “negative” section doesn’t always carry the weight you might assume. Sometimes the summary statement can provide context about which points most influenced the score, but not always.

For a manuscript: When reading reviewer comments on a manuscript, I frame them as guidance to help strengthen my paper. If a reviewer questions the rationale or significance of the work, it usually means those sections weren’t clearly written or argued, or that the paper isn’t the best fit for the journal, not that the work itself is worthless.

Further listening:
For anyone interested in diving deeper on this topic, I recommend the Hidden Brain episode ‘It’s Not My Fault,’ which explores why we often become defensive when receiving feedback.
https://www.hiddenbrain.org/podcast/its-not-my-fault/ome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start writing!